Make Peace with Your Past – Get Your Life Back
It can seem like our past hurts dictate our narrative, but we can write a new one, one of healing and optimism. Since I have been guiding people towards emotional well-being for over 20 years, I know the impact that making peace can have. It’s all about digging up the soil from your past to uncover the lessons and plant seeds for a peaceful future.
We can’t change the past, but we can change how we integrate and carry it. This acceptance isn’t an act of forgetting but rather an invitation to redefine and reshape ourselves.
Accepting Self-Awareness as the First Step in Healing
We want to find a way forward by embracing self-compassion. To create inner peace using the pieces that feel like broken fragments.
Understanding Your Emotional Landscape
Making peace with the past begins with self-awareness. This involves looking inward and examining your emotional impact. Knowing your inner landscape means knowing all the corners of it – the hidden nooks and crannies, the bright spots, and the dark ones.
Start by becoming aware of your emotions. What do you do when they arise? Do you shut down feelings or ignore them? Do you allow yourself to feel and accept yourself with compassion?
Use the following exercises daily to become aware of your emotional terrain.
Exercise for an emotional check-up
Relax your body for 5 minutes. Sit in a chair and feel your body sinking deeper into it. Check to see what you are feeling next, and then check the area where there is tension. You may be feeling upset about an insulting comment made by a colleague or one you made to a spouse yesterday. You may be feeling bad about yelling and scolding your children.
Send love to the experience and emotion. Embrace it. You can feel it fully, knowing you are safe. Relax your body with each exhalation.
Map Your Emotional Triggers
It is equally important to recognize what causes intense emotions and reactions. The triggers are landmines that appear on your emotional map and signal a memory or feeling. You can reduce their power over you by identifying and preparing for them.
By preparing ahead, you can be more calm and confident.
I’ll give you an example. In my early adulthood, when I saw someone laughing or having fun, I would feel agitated, even angry, and resentful. I also felt jealous. This seemed strange until I conducted a similar investigation. My mom had repeatedly shamed me because of my buoyant and joyful nature. She said I had no right to be happy because she and her family were miserable. To get her approval, I had no choice but to mute my joyous nature.
Let Go of Emotional Anchors by Accepting what is
In many ways, pain is caused by the inability to accept what is.
Children deserve unconditional affection and love. It’s a tragedy that those who did not receive the love and security it provides are now suffering. Whatever happened, and wherever we may be right now, THAT IS.
How do you proceed from here?
Years ago, I refused to let go of the emotional souvenirs I had collected because I thought that if I became happy and successful and healed, no one else would know what I went through as a kid. I was holding my wholeness hostage, even though I knew that it was possible to make peace with my past.
Trauma begins to fade away when we accept the present and recognize that we are so much more than our past.
It is essential to connect deeply with your incredible True Self. The True Self is unblemished. It cannot be changed. When we touch this part, we are not the victims.
As we realize how powerful we truly are, we lose our painful memories, the pain disappears, and we redirect all of the strength we gained from surviving to wholeness. We become RICH, just as the coal is transformed into diamonds.
Let go does not mean you condone what happened or that trauma did not occur.
This is a deep commitment to yourself to create something beautiful and lasting from the ashes because WE CAN. This is a declaration of your resolve to no longer allow those experiences to hold you back. Once we unlock the resilience that is within us, we will be unstoppable.
Healing is about connecting to the part of us that is limitless and eternal and has a direct connection with the Spirit. This part of ourselves is not only a source of spiritual growth but also a way to integrate our fragmented pieces.
You must make peace with yourself to be able to find peace with your past!
It is our responsibility to take full ownership of the quality of life and relationships.
Blame is one of the main reasons that I think people are stuck. It is easy to blame others, including your parents, for your own life. You may believe that you have lost your innocence, power, or goodness.
It’s not true.
No matter what happens, we are only able to control our reaction. We are stuck in a cycle of blame and resentment.
You are responsible for shaping the person you wish to be. What will you make of the life that you have? How will you use the gifts and strengths you have gained through a difficult journey?
Find Strength in Your Story by Reconstructing your Narrative
You can look back at your past and see how it has shaped you. Consider how these experiences have helped you become the person that you are today instead of tearing them out.
This new perspective highlights the resilience and strength that come from overcoming.
The brain is trained in several ways by intentionally highlighting your strengths, which are a result of your collective experiences:
- Focus on the Positive
- We can all be good to each other and ourselves
- Relinquish judgment and approach with compassion
- Opens life with a conscious choice
- Creates a solid foundation for connecting with ourselves
