It’s Not What You Say, But How You Say It, That Matters

The proper focus will help you to be understood, as evidenced in recent research

You’ve likely had an experience where you’ve accidentally offended someone. Not by the words you used or how you spoke it. Maybe a waiter at a restaurant was incredibly kind and efficient while having a casual meal with a pal. “Thank you so much for your excellent service today,” you tell them. Instead of smiling, it’s accepted with a smug, “Glad you enjoyed it.” What could be wrong with the compliment that could result in this unwelcome response?

If you ask a friend who was listening to the entire conversation, she explains that the comment seemed like sarcasm. The issue isn’t what you said; it’s how you expressed it.

Prosody in Speech

This minor incident serves as an illustration of how simple not to do the wrong thing but to communicate inappropriately. According to the Max Planck Institute’s (Frankfort am Main) Pauline Larrouy Maestri and coworkers (2023), “prosody,” or the emphasis that you put on the words you speak, can be a vital yet often unnoticed force in the field of communication. Prosody is a part of “paralinguistic” communication or language elements that aren’t described in words. According to their authors, “Prosodic stress is thus a useful communicative tool that modulates the meaning of a sentence and influences speech processing” (p. 2.).

As Larrouy-Maestri et al. note, prosody could be a reference to the emphasis in an entire sentence, the clarity with which words are said, its length, or even gestures used to accompany it. When you consider the numerous ways of communicating using prosody, it could be overwhelming. The various channels for communicating meaning can be challenging to navigate without creating an unavoidable, if not impossible, hurdle to establishing good relationships.

Luckily, the study conducted by German authors provides guidelines for the proper usage of prosody. They explain the factors that cause a spoken word to sound funny.

Irony and Prosody

In irony, as authors point out, there is a “discrepancy between the meaning of what is (literally) stated and the meaning likely to be intended to be conveyed by the individual speaking, “…which “primes the full-on contradiction of the literal sense of the terms utilized” (p. 3.). Since the words are identical, their definitions are entirely different, and the only way could explain the irony’s effects is the paralinguistic channel of prosody.

In the beginning, the researchers created a stimulus bank consisting of 392 ironic and nonironic recordings uttered by 14 people. They then requested 53 participants to evaluate the degree of irony they perceived in these phrases. Each sentence was contextualized to ensure the participants would get the same information natural speakers get in real-world contexts.

This is a contrasted instance:

The irony is that Jan is the one who bought an old car that was rusty from a friend for a tiny amount of money. When he first takes his friend Thomas with the car, Thomas says, “What a fancy car.” The irony lies evident in the word “fancy” because it is not.

nonironicJan is buying himself an amazing new vehicle. When he first meets his friend Thomas in this car, Thomas declares, “What a fancy car.” The car was, indeed, amazing (i.e., elegant).

After contrasting the numerous factors influencing the irony ratings, The authors discovered that prosody did matter. Sentences where the speaker emphasized the words towards the end received greater irony ratings than those with emphasis on the sentence’s start. Try reciting the sentences above and in a loud voice, giving different emphasis to”the “what” versus the “fancy” to discover what happens. Reread the conversation with the restaurant server, and you’ll find that when the sentence began with a “Thank,” the server could not doubt the ironic term “excellent.”

Using Irony for the Right Reasons

The funny language, despite the dangers associated with it, may bring joy to your life. Anyone who enjoys Shakespeare or comedy can agree that irony is the flavor of communication. In a further expansion of this notion, The authors make these important distinctions:

The bad irony: “blame by praise” or “sarcastic criticism” in which you respond, “You’re a real genius” when something has gone wrong. You’re using praise language with a critical tone. Beware of this.

The irony that is kind of nice: “praise by blame,” with phrases such as “You’re a real donkey” to someone who recently performed well in the task and believes they have succeeded (so the compliment doesn’t harm). It’s okay to use if the person you are listening to and you have a great relationship.

Laugh-out-loud Irony: adding “LOL” to a joke that isn’t funny or an unintentionally cruel comment to transform it into a kind or good irony. However, it’s not able to completely negate an insult.

In the end, being aware of the tone you use in your voice and the particular emphasis you attach to specific words is an essential yet unappreciated factor in positive relations. The right balance will ensure that your words convey the intended meaning, paving your way to greater satisfaction with your communications.