Is saying “We’re two different people” during a breakup a cop-out? Experts weigh in
I am fully aware that the reasons why couples split up are no one’s business. When I hear former couples say, “We’re different people,” it always makes me want to ask them a million more questions. What does it mean? What happened to the notion that opposites are attracted? At the end of each day, we are all unique people. Is this statement true, or is it just a way to avoid dealing with differences in a marriage?
I decided to ask some experts instead of pestering recently married with my nosy questions. Aside from that, I also wondered whether the notion that opposites are attracted to each other is true. Experts also shared their opinions on how to know when the differences are too great, what is too much of a compromise, and other topics.
Can you have a long-lasting and happy relationship with someone whose interests and opinions are completely different?
Experts say that it’s possible to maintain a long-lasting healthy relationship even with someone who has different opinions and interests. Each person must accept and understand the differences. Other goods and statements do not constitute a red flag. The way in which the differences are dealt with is what makes a relationship healthy or tumultuous. Laura F. Dabney. It is important to agree that there are no right or wrong answers. Take a non-judgmental, curious stance towards your differences. You will be able to understand your partner better and also feel more understood in return, says NYC psychotherapist Alexis B. Kaufman.
It’s important to recognize that some differences are difficult to overcome. These include marriage, sexuality, children, finances, and career goals. Kaufman added, “You might need to think about whether you’re able to be with someone who is not aligned.”
How accurate is the saying “opposites attracted”?
Think about the same storyline that we’ve seen in movies and books: the good girl and bad boy fall in Love. It’s always the same story. Their lives are so diverse they are drawn to each other. It is exciting and interesting. Their differences cause them to clash. They finally learn to respect each other and have a happy ending. This trope is one of our favorites.
It happens all the time in real life, but one thing isn’t always as simple as it appears in movies: accepting differences. Experts agree that opposites can attract, but not always. Michele Miller of Manhattan Wellness says that opposites in relationships will not work unless both partners accept each other for their differences and strengths.
Is it possible to sacrifice too much in a relationship?
Rachel Holzberg, LMSW of Manhatten Wellness, says, “While compromise and sacrifice are natural, we want to make sure that one partner is not self-sacrificing to the point that it feels unbalanced.” For example, balancing time with family can be difficult when you’re in a relationship–especially on holidays. You may feel that there is no balance if you spend time with the family of your partner every holiday instead of spending your own. Kaufman says that if you find yourself feeling resentful towards your partner, this could be an indication that you are bending too much and don’t feel like you have room for your own needs and interests.
Each person must communicate their needs to maintain a balance between sacrifice and compromise. You can then make decisions that respect each other and are fair. We couldn’t agree with Dr. Dabney more when he says that “no one person should sacrifice anything to make another person happy.”
Is the phrase “we are two different people” used during a breakup an excuse?
Short story: “Saying that you and your partner are ‘two people’ is a cop-out if neither you nor your partner takes the time or effort to explore how important [your] differences are,” says Emily Fiorelli of Manhattan Wellness. You will not thrive if you don’t put in the effort to build a strong relationship. It involves open communication, equal compromise, and accepting the differences of others.
