How to Turn Down a Friends Trip If You Can’t Afford It

My girlfriends and I like to make it a tradition each year to take a girls’ getaway, and this year, we decided that an unwinding long weekend was the best idea. The planner, whom I’ll refer to her as Patrice, has planned a lavish getaway that included a sprawling rental home, a private yoga class, and a great dinner out. We’re a diverse group of high and middle-income earners. While I’m financially stable (I’m an assistant principal at the elementary level), the trip ended up being way outside the budget of what I had planned. I cannot afford this year; Patrice provided the estimated per-person costs in an e-vite. It’s been a long time since we’ve been able to escape. However, I’d love to travel. However, I know I shouldn’t slap this charge on my credit card. How can I respectfully decline the invitation without coming off as cheap?

Let me start by saying that this is a gorgeous invitation! A well-planned staycation with great friends sounds like a great idea. The more we age, the more difficult it may be to schedule a time to build friendships with our loved ones, but it’s crucial. A few research studies have shown that keeping companies can lower stress levels, lower anxiety levels, and boost your immune system an increase. Not only can the idea of a weekend like this sound like lots of fun, but it’s likely to benefit your well-being. But, financial stress can affect your mental and physical health, which is a highly stressful situation to find yourself in. However, it’s not all insufficient information! Here are some possible options to think about as you tackle this (widespread) problem:

Find out if you can come up with any compromise.

For many people who have to deal with the expenses of traveling with friends, their primary anxiety is raising the cost of the trip. If a person is given a larger space in the house rental, is it a good idea to pay a higher rate? If someone with allergies to certain foods is bringing their food, should they share the cost of groceries equally?

While discussing personal finances may be awkward, the person who organized the trip, Patrice, is making it clear that she’s comfortable speaking about finances, as she detailed the anticipated expenses within her invite. If you go through the itinerary, do you see anything you could afford (in other terms, do you have a cost that you don’t need to finance with a credit card)? If so, inform Patrice that you won’t be able to join the whole weekend, and ask what it would cost you to attend meals and yoga.

It was also mentioned that some in your group are high-roller. If you’re concerned about your trip’s expense, do you want to check in with a few other people who are more budget-conscious? You could discuss potential cost-saving options. If you feel it’s more appropriate to go on a three-star vacation instead of a five-star experience, you could say something like, “I am aware that many of us have a tight budget. If you’re interested I,’ve found several rental homes within the region that are a bit more affordable!” Another option would be to consider reducing expenses by demonstrating your best chef techniques and cooking an evening meal instead of a fancy dinner out. Alternatively, you can offer a yoga class online instead of a private instructor.

If you cannot go this time, tell the truth about the reasons.

If the event this year is outside your budget limit, be specific about wanting to participate the next time. It could be, “My budget’s a bit tight right now, but I plan on saving up for next year’s event, so make sure to send me an invite!” One thing I’ve seen happen frequently in groups of friends with different levels of income is the one who can’t afford extravagant meals, trips, and shopping excursions silently snoozes away or creates an excuse rather than declaring, “I’d love to, but it’s out of my price range.” After many unanswered invites, hosts might conclude you’re uninterested, and the texts and calls might not be coming. Be sure to state clearly that you’d like to have a party with them and your fellow friends but can’t pay for it.

This kind of honest communication can also inform them that you’re open to less expensive things. You may be amazed by their reaction if you share your budgetary worries. Some customers have told me that their friends’ responses have been with relief (as in, “Me too! The hangouts are adding in!”) and empathy (“Thanks for sharing that information with me. I’m glad that you have confidence in me to share that information with you”). Also, speaking up may offer more inventive ways to connect with friends, for instance, visiting museums during their free-entry days or catching up to walk in a picturesque local park.

Consider beginning today if you plan to save money for next year’s trip. For instance, if the annual getaway to a beach costs $1,000, you can put aside around $80 per month to spend the next time you go on a trip. Saving up as much as you can every month could be less stressful than paying for it in one go. But it’s acceptable and understandable if it’s not feasible for your budget.

Host or suggest or host a “pay what you can” event shortly.

I recently read the article which recommended “pay what you can” at Hen parties (the UK’s equivalent of a bachelorette celebration), and I’m amazed by the idea! Emma Edwards, a finance writer and co-founder of the platform for financial services, The Broke Generation, says it takes a lot of work to figure out how to divide the cost of increasing costly bachelorette events. To solve this problem, she suggests the host add up the party’s cost estimate and ask guests to pay a moderate, low, or high cost for the event and hotel. (For example, the “low” price might be $100, while the medium cost could be 250, or the highest price of $500.) To keep the event as secret as possible, hosts may take payments through Venmo and keep all contributions confidential, meaning there is no need to feel uncomfortable if they select the lower price. In addition to bachelorette parties, this is a good option for birthday celebrations and other milestones and excursions with friends.

After everyone has contributed their share, If there’s enough cash to pay for with the bridesmaids (the birthday boy’s party or the most fantastic bunch of people you can ever ask for), according to plan, excellent! If there’s a deficit, the host must cut one or two activities. If there’s a surplus that you’re able to use, the group could invite the yoga instructor for a private class or enjoy a round of mimosas. “Pay what you can” may not be a good idea for your next excursion, but it’s something to think about suggesting to your acquaintances at some point in the future.

Find a new way to spend time with your friends.

If the host declines your request to cut back on the extravagantness and wants everything to be luxurious, you can respectfully decline and, if you’re not sure, then text them to arrange a time to have a coffee or brunch to chat instead. Suppose you’re wondering what you can do. In that case, you can say “no “without sounding cheap,” I’d like to give an idea that a reasonable person will be able to see what you’re going through and will never insist on doing something that could put you in a financial risk circumstance. Additionally, you know that transferring this transaction to your credit card will be a challenging experience, especially when the payment is due. Respecting your financial reality and telling your friends the truth is a sign that self-care is worth celebrating.

Financial therapist Lindsay Bryan Povdin, LMSW, helps people keep their finances and minds in a healthy balance. Have a question for Lindsay? Complete this form, and she can offer tips in an upcoming article.