How to deal with trust issues in relationships
What causes trust issues in a relationship?
There are many reasons trust issues can arise in a relationship. It could be one person’s fault, both of them, or neither. These are five common reasons people experience trust issues:
- Past relationships that were traumatic or bad
It is rare for people to have a loving and perfect relationship from the beginning of their lives. Many people experience one or more bad relationships from their teens through adulthood. Trust issues could have roots in the past if you or your partner have trust problems in the current relationship. Trust issues can be caused by being hurt, humiliated and abused. If the victim has been in multiple relationships of this nature, the effect can be worsened. Trauma can also result from past experiences where the individual was abused, controlled and lied about all the time.
2. Trauma in childhood
When trust is first developed in childhood, people have meaningful and honest relationships with their family and friends. According to developmental psychologists, infancy is the first stage of trust development. This is when the parents provide for all the baby’s needs. Babies that are neglected or not properly cared for do not learn to trust their environment. Children who witness abuse or are exposed to domestic violence as children grow up can’t trust. These children are more likely to be unable to trust others and to form meaningful relationships.
3. To become dominant in the relationship.
Trust issues can lead to controlling behavior and dominance in relationships. This dominating attitude can also be caused by past bad experiences or growing up with a dominant parent. Controlling the partner’s actions can lead to more arguments and disagreements, which can cause trust issues in either partner or both. Long-term trust issues can result from controlling and directing every aspect of the relationship.
4. Communication problems
Couples who have been together a long time may take their partner for granted or become more involved in work and life. Communication is difficult in such situations, and the distance builds over time until either one of them develops trust issues. Trust issues can be triggered by misunderstandings or not spending enough communication time. A lack of communication can make demands from one partner seem unreasonable, which can lead to disappointment.
5. Infidelity
Infidelity is the main cause of trust problems in couples. It can be difficult for a partner to forgive if they have created in the past. It can take years or even never build trust in these cases. Even if the infidelity is resolved, trust will remain shaky between the partners, even if one has changed and given up their old ways. Infidelity is a common cause of broken marriages and trust issues in marriages built on monogamy.
Signs you have trust issues
Trust issues can be easily identified in any relationship if you can recognize the signs. These are the most common signs of trust problems in couples:
- Expect the worst.
Trust issues can lead a partner to expect the worst from every situation. This could be as simple as returning a call or text message. Insecure partners might assume that it is for someone romantically involved in their partner. Another example is when the partner calls to tell them they are late or come home late, catastrophizing. A partner with trust issues might assume an extramarital affair and begin calling every hour to confirm.
2. Partner sex
Stalking your partner is a classic example of trust problems in relationships. The insecure one attempts to track what the other does. This could include looking through bank statements, reading emails or checking their chat messages. This behavior could also include keeping an eye on their partner, communicating secretly with friends, and physically following them. Stalking can cause severe damage to relationships between partners and friends. It may even lead to the person becoming more secretive in spite.
3. Controlling your partner too much
Trust issues can be identified when partner attempts to control their lives by setting unrealistic boundaries. Insecure partners often monitor their partner’s activities and go through their schedules and social media to see what they are doing. They might also make their partner cancel plans with friends and tag along wherever they go.
4. Feelings like you are alone.
Trust issues can make a person feel isolated from their partner. The trust issues often believe that their partner is hiding some information from them or leading a secret and different life. Even if they are physically present with the other most of the time, feelings of isolation may occur. They may feel cut off and depressed and believe that their relationship is no longer worth it.
5. Confused about the relationship
Trust issues can cause people to have second thoughts about their relationship. Even trivial topics can trigger thoughts that are difficult to ignore and cause couples to reconsider their relationship. This can lead to stress or anxiety.
6. Test the partner
Partner of an insecure person with trust issues may be subject to loyalty tests. They may be required to show they are where they claim to be or provide updates on their whereabouts. As they are often suspicious, the insecure partner will also call or send messages to check on them.
7. Pistanthrophobia
This condition makes it difficult for people to trust others, especially in romantic relationships. Their partners may be trustworthy and faithful, but their insecurity stems from their fears or imagined situations.
How to overcome trust issues
How can you resolve trust issues that have been a problem in your relationship for so long? These are some tips to help you start working on trust issues.
- Talk and establish communication.
Open communication with your partner is the first step to building trust. Although it may be difficult to resolve unresolved issues or old habits, open communication can help you get started. Listening to your partner without blaming, judging or being defensive is the best way to start. Keep calm in stressful situations and try to talk it out, rather than reverting to old arguing methods. Don’t press for details or extra information when your partner is with friends. Instead, ask what you need to get a basic idea.
2. Stop monitoring their activities.
Stop stalking your partner or friends and checking their messages on social media. You will only be able to believe that they are up to something if you continue to monitor them. Be trustworthy before you start to be suspicious. Your partner should understand that you trust them and have stopped all old habits.
3. Take care of yourself.
When you get rid of old patterns based on trust and insecurity, you will see there are many things to improve upon. Start by sampling different activities and reminiscing about the hobbies you enjoyed as a child. Find your passion again for your hobbies, and you will be able to return to the person you were before becoming insecure. Volunteering is a great way to help others and build trust.
4. Get support from family and friends.
Talking with family and friends about your problems can help you understand yourself. Trusted family members or friends can give insight or advice on behaviors you might not have known. Men with trust issues benefit from this as they are less likely to share their private affairs with friends.
5. Understanding the past
It is important to understand the past better to help you let go of hurt relationships. You may have had various past experiences, including those with your family and friends. Understanding past hurt is crucial to move on.
Trust issues can be caused by various factors, including traumatic childhood experiences or bad relationships in the past that left people bitter and cynical. It is important to establish a clear line between partners and make changes in their lifestyles and attitudes to build trust.
