How Thinking About the Past Can Help Your Relationship Now
New research reveals how nostalgia is beneficial in relationships
When you think about the beginning stages you were together, what thoughts and images do you recall? Do you remember, with affection, the awkwardness each of you felt as you began your first conversations? Do you remember that first look you exchanged with your companion, bringing back the tingles it generated at that time?
The desire to reminisce and reminisce, also known as “nostalgia,” is a state of mind that people frequently drift into. Any recollection of a previous time may make you think of how you felt those “old days” were better than your “new days.” But what impact will this reverse-time travel have on your overall health? Regarding your relationship, will returning to the past offer some respite from a complex set of issues you’re facing?
Nostalgia as the Antidote to Conflict
Based on Texas Christian University’s Julie Swets and colleagues (2023), the psychological benefits of engaging in this kind of “sentimental longing for the past.” Take note of “longing”; it’s not just reminiscing about, but hoping for the past to return.
A feeling of longing and nostalgia can have adverse side effects. Indeed, as Swets et al. observe, it’s an emotional state. Anger-inducing memories of your past could cause negative emotions. However, as the passage of time heals many wounds, the pleasure of your relationship with your partner will be greater than the negative emotions.
Another aspect of nostalgic memories, according to TCU researchers note, is that they typically involve other people. However, throughout them, you are the “salient protagonist.” Together, these characteristics mean that nostalgia is a “self-relevant emotion,” which makes it distinct from, say, the feeling of homelessness. When you look back at those first days in your relationship, it is from the perspective of yourself being”the “nostaligizer.”
When stressed, couples might begin to follow the historical way they walked in their early years, Swets et al. maintain. Looking back at the past in a nostalgic way, often known as “relational savoring,” could offer relief from today’s stressors. The process of creating positive memories may help block out negative emotions that are currently affecting us.
Testing Nostalgia’s Value
To investigate the possibilities that nostalgic experiences might contribute to decreasing the negative effects of conflict, Swets and her colleagues initially conducted a study of correlation with adults who were online and analyzed the relationship between frequency of nostalgia and conflict as a predictor of commitment to the relationship and satisfaction. The first set of results revealed that commitment, rather than satisfaction, was the primary driver of the frequency of nostalgia.
To take the research study to a new level, the Texas team of researchers put together an experimental experiment with a sample size of 769 online participants in committed relationships. In the scenario of nostalgia induction, participants were given an induction prompt that instructed participants to “think of a past event that has meaning for your relationship with your romantic partner… that makes you feel the most nostalgic.” Other conditions included the participants reminiscing about a positive event, and controlling the situation, just an ordinary incident from the previous week.
Test this for yourself today. Perhaps your favorite memory was when you attended the theater or concert. Remember the music you heard and, as you listen, remember the bond you shared with your loved one and made the event “your song.” To make this a meaningful experience, check if you recall the lyrics or melody.
In the position of the other participants, evaluate your relationship based on the level of conflict by completing the following sample question: “My partner and I have a lot of disagreements.”
The findings show that the higher intensity of conflict was associated with lower levels of commitment to maintain the relationship, as one would think. The nostalgic induction was a factor that decreased the magnitude of the impact. The results were in line with the findings reported within the correlative data of the study that first began.
It is important to note that simply reflecting on any positive experience does not change the relationship between commitment and conflict. Reflections from the past needed to be integrated into the relationship to have an impact.
Using Nostalgia to Your Relationship’s Benefit
As you can see in the illustration of the event you and your companion shared, It’s simple to trigger memories of the past. Sometimes, they happen spontaneously. You could be engaged in an ongoing dispute with one another, and without particular reason, the melody of your song enters your mind. Is this causing you to slow down and stop, which triggers an instant return to past times?
It’s crucial to understand that the TCU study’s results were based on commitment, not satisfaction. There will be instances where you’re unhappy even after you’ve played the tune in your mind. The value of nostalgia could be to remind you that your relationship is worthwhile to keep. You begin to think about not just the story you relate to yourself and the events of your lives but the tale you think about as a couple who has lived life.
The authors point out that the importance of commitment may outweigh satisfaction as the primary aspect of the health of relationships since “committing to a relationship is what makes it last.” The phenomenon of nostalgia, in addition, “has the potential to be an accessible, compounding resource for partnerships–as they persist, the repository of sentimental memories grows.”
