Common Family Issues & How To Deal With Them, From Experts
Every family is not perfect. However, for people whose family life has not been blatantly “bad,” it can be difficult to identify family problems when they arise. Family issues are more than addiction or abuse, for instance, and encompass numerous other things that affect each member of an entire family. This article will help you recognize family problems and how to address the issues, as per experts.
What are family-related issues?
Family problems or issues can be any dynamic behavior or pattern that disrupts the household or the family. They could range from minor issues, like conflicting personalities or the division of household chores, to more severe issues, such as having a parent who is narcissistic or abusive or intergenerational trauma, according to a licensed psychotherapist Babita Spinelli, L.P.
The primary issue with any family problem is that it causes tension and stress. This then detrimentally affects those in the family, especially if children are involved.
Family problems of all kinds:
Clashing or toxic personalities
It is not uncommon that a family has conflicting personalities. It could be that siblings do not get together or a child does not like either of their parents, psychotherapist Annette Nunez, Ph.D., LMFT, says to mbg.
This can take a considerable leap when dealing with someone who exhibits Narcissistic tendencies or any other negative behaviors, Spinelli adds, that can bring various other problems into the family, like gaslighting or explosive fights.
Poor communication
Nunez, along with Spinelli, both agree that an absence of healthy and open communication is the cause of other family issues. As Spinelli states, if you find it extremely difficult to talk about a family member in the event of doubts about their trust or if they do not trust the issue or it gets ignored and ignored, these are all family problems that concern communication.
Parents are under pressure to take on much pressure.
A family’s perfectionist tendency can hurt children’s self-worth and feelings. As Nunez explains, when parents judge or dictate how children should behave in their behavior, it could impact their capacity to develop as individuals. “Parents do need to have some boundaries, but not when it gets to the point where it is emotionally abusive,” Nunez explains.
Things like conditional love or the feeling of being under pressure to live up to the expectations of your family members could indicate specific family problems, Spinelli adds. This could lead to what is called golden child syndrome.
Different parenting styles
One of the most challenging aspects of being a parent as two couples is knowing how to combine the two parenting methods effectively. If you are not able to be able to do that, it could lead to issues.
“It can cause much tension when parents are not on the same page with parenting,” Nunez told MBG. If you are dealing with extended family members, Spinelli states that your relatives’ involvement in your parenting could cause some issues.
Money
Many families have to face financial challenges as well as budgeting and working. Spinelli states that money issues could include one parent taking all the money but being overwhelmed by not having enough money to meet your needs, family issues around gambling or poverty, and a lot more. The financial aspect is prevalent in all aspects of our lives, and if there is a problem in this area, the consequences will be felt in any family.
The household management
It could seem juvenile it is not, but chores matter. If a single person is shouldering the burden of running the household, it is a lot of responsibility and stress. Nunez says the household’s work must be split equitably and age-appropriate to ensure that one parent does not feel disadvantaged as children learn how to manage their own needs.
Mental health or addiction problems
If one of the parents (or even an individual child) suffers from addiction or mental health issues, it can create an enormous gap in the family unit. Those issues must be taken seriously, discussed, and addressed transparently and openly.
According to Nunez, “If a parent feels like they’re hiding mental illness or any type of substance abuse from a child, kids pick up on that. They pick up on those nonverbal cues of inconsistency, and children do need consistency to have a strong family foundation and feel secure.”
Constant arguing
Per Spinelli, it is not as if you were a child who believed that constant arguing was expected. “Some people don’t realize that the constant bickering and arguing is an issue–they’re just so used to it. They do not realize that yelling, screaming, and arguing creates stress and tension.”
Divorce
It is not a rare thing. However, divorce can undoubtedly disrupt the family unit and may cause issues if not dealt with under the carpet. “You’d be surprised how many people haven’t processed divorce in the family,” Spinelli states, adding, “It really does impact how you see relationships and models fears around relationships, and often people don’t even talk about it in the family.”
Distance
Although it is difficult to avoid, separation within a family could cause many problems around rules and limits, per Spinelli. As the holiday season approaches, it is common to have disagreements about who is visiting who, why someone has chosen not to attend the year before, and so on, Spinelli describes.
Codependency
” Codependency comes in all shapes and sizes,” Spinelli says to MBG. Although some cases of codependency are not too severe, the greater the entanglement that you see within families and the greater the likelihood that group members will have difficulty discerning their requirements, desires, and needs, according to her.
Conflicts with scheduling
Nunez says that another frequent family problem is scheduling conflicts. Suppose one or more family members have a full schedule and cannot find time to spend with each other. This could mean one parent working for long hours and not staying in the house during the day or problems with scheduling when children are more involved in their extracurricular activities, She says.
Intergenerational trauma
Not least, family trauma is a significant family issue often unresolved and runs through generations. According to Spinelli, if previous generations were victims of extreme poverty, trauma to the racial group and sudden deaths and mental health issues, addiction, and many more, these effects can be passed down through the generations.
“If something has happened in the previous generation, and that family member never dealt with it, that fight-or-flight and what they went through seeps into the other family members,” Spinelli adds.
How do family issues impact us?
There are many ways that all of these family issues could affect members of the family, especially children, during their early years of life. For instance, “Children may start having behavioral issues, which then in return causes parents to get upset and the kids act out more,” Nunez says. This is just one more immediately observable instance.
Childhood experiences are relived as we grow older, revealing traumas to our attachments, and we can bring these dysfunctional patterns into our relationships in adulthood and relationships, she adds. “Let’s say a parent leaves at a developmental age where a child needs a parent, for example. That brings up abandonment issues,” she says.
A large number of family problems that are not addressed can cause people to feel like they are not secure throughout their life, Spinelli says. “It is likely to result in problems with attachment. Perhaps they’ve experienced neglect, abuse, or abandonment, which can lead to an unsafe attachment. The individual may also be an avoidant since they have not had unconditional love from their primary caregiver,” she elaborates.
Family issues can be a source of stress:
- Problems with honest, open, and healthy communication
- Blissful fights, frequent arguments
- Screaming and shouting incessantly
- Passive-aggressive behavior
- A parent absent or parents absent (physically or emotionally)
- All forms of abuse (physical or emotional physical abuse, emotional or verbal)
- Behaviors of codependency or enmeshing
- Problems with finances or work
- The pursuit of perfection or the highest standards in the family
- Family disputes or parenting styles, for instance.
- There is tension in the family without a clear cause
- It is not easy to trust family members
What should you do if you are having issues with your family:
Find out what the problem is.
If you are experiencing the feeling that you are experiencing some family discord, The first thing you need to determine on the specifics of what you are facing. Are you under the parents’ control? Conflicts in scheduling? Insufficient communication?
Whatever the problem, Nunez and Spinelli acknowledge that it is one of the initial steps. Once you have that, you can think about how you would like to communicate it with your loved ones, leading us to the next part of our discussion.
Disseminate it.
There is no way to resolve problems by throwing them aside. Family issues are no different. Nunez and Spinelli both suggest that you must tackle any issue that is weighing on your mind regardless of whether it is straightforward.
“Give yourself permission to say, ‘Hey, I feel angry or resentful, and I need to talk about this,'” Spinelli suggests. As Nunez points out, you can ease the hurt using words that are not directed at them. You can use “I” statements rather than “you” statements (i.e., “I feel sad when you miss dinner” instead of “You always miss dinner; you are so inconsiderate.”)
Nunez also believes it is best to choose a period when you can afford one another your complete focus and enthusiasm. (So it is probably not during the holiday season.)
Think about seeking help from a professional.
After you have spoken out about your issues and concerns, it is possible to seek help from an expert. If you decide to go with individual or couple therapy and family counseling, it is entirely up to you and your family members. However, they can help you understand how family issues have impacted you and how to address them.
“And even if a family doesn’t go to therapy, it’s important for every person to feel like they have a voice in their family, and to speak up, and to really voice what they need within that unit,” Nunez adds.
Set boundaries.
Last but not least, when everything other options fail, boundaries with family are essential to making sure that the family is as healthy as it can be for everyone. “Really think about the ways you can set boundaries and give yourself permission,” Spinelli advises.
You can opt out of attending any family event, maintain your distance from relatives who cause you to feel uncomfortable or angry, or let a family member know that their behavior is unacceptable to you. Spinelli affirms that you are in your right to make that decision.
The final line.
Every family has some tinkering. In the end, the spiritual icon Ram Dass once stated, “‘If you think you are enlightened, spend a week with your family.”
No matter what issues your family appears to be dealing with, you only need a single person to recognize the issues to be addressed, resolve them, and cut the chains for your children to follow.
