Tears and tantrums
It’s 7.43 am. I’ve been awake since 5.20 am. I’ve bribed two kids to get dressed, clean, and head downstairs to eat breakfast. In the end, I managed to appear somewhat at ease while stopping at least every 3 minutes or so to take care of the naughty toddler and rush the five-year-old to get his bearings. “No, You can’t dress in your Moana outfit to the school! Jack, get down to the bathroom!”
After packing bags, preparing lunches, as well as answering the 20-question test, I’m ready to eat a piece of toast when it appears that in front of me, the world is over. The 18-month-old Jack has been seen in the middle of crying, irritated because he’s unable to open a door, put Mr. Tumble on/have anything of his sisters. I take a moment to console him and wrap him with a cuddle. I’m used to cold breakfast!
I’m sure that every parent is there. As parents to two adorable children who need us in a big way right now, We’re right in the middle of it. While we are absolutely counting our lucky stars that we are the parents of these adorable children, there are days when we must breathe deeply or take 20. Chocolate helps!
It’s my turn to keep track of all the parenting blogs and websites. However, when it comes to meltdowns and tantrums, there’s so much advice available that it’s hard to keep track of. There isn’t a ‘one that fits everyone’ as each child is unique, and each child’s parents are different. I’m only able to share my personal experiences.
Luckily for us, our daughter Isabelle, aged five, is largely calm and composed. However, at the age of two and a half, she stumbled through the usual tantrum phase that struck us like a hammer. What transpired to our playful girl? She was on the ground screaming and kicking around, and it was extremely distressing to watch. In addition, she would take her cochlear implants away and would not look at us in order to make communication impossible. She still uses this tactic to this day if she isn’t happy with our answer!
Similar to our son, he is in the midst of this phase and is about to turn his hearing aids away while looking us straight in the face like he’s saying, “What are you going to do about this?” Although this can be incredibly painful, we are careful not to highlight this behavior. It is important to recognize that hearing is a choice at that point. This reduces the amount of sensory overload and helps them feel in control. It’s just a matter of waiting it out.
The science behind tantrums suggests that the brains of children are still developing and don’t have the necessary tools to handle when confronted with these huge emotions. They don’t require the label of being ‘naughty’. That’s why I’ve learned this is where we come in. In their world of temporary chaos, we’re their peace (even although we may not be feeling that way).
I attempt to maintain an empathetic tone, remain near, and observe whether they would like physical contact. Isabelle typically didn’t want to touch us; she wanted us close. It was a waiting game, and she needed our help as a security cover till she could be ready. I could pretend to clean around while reciting my encouragement. “I can see you’re feeling sad, Mummy is here if you need me.” If she did not have “ears” in the first place, I would only be able to ensure that I was within her eye-line until she made eye contact and read her lips. My son, on the other hand, requires immediate connection and the reassurance of his mother.
In that light, the top five tips I would like to share could be:
- Find out what triggers your child has (you might be able to prevent an argument) and what they require from you in the event of a tantrum.
- Please make sure they are secure first and foremost. Jack is known to smash his head with rage. We may need to transfer him to a spot of security or act as a barrier to prevent him from being injured.
- Be with them as often as you can instead of allowing them to be awed by their feelings on their own. We’re their safe zone to share the burden. The superpowers of our Mummy and Daddy!
- Pause for a few minutes when you’re overwhelmed. Relax and remember that it won’t last forever. They’re just small for an insignificant time.
- Chat with other parents. The feeling is so much better when you realize that you’re not alone in crying and screaming. And that’s not always just adults!
When I’m on one of these days, my mind reminds me that someday we won’t be at the center of their universe. There will be a lot of their friends in their ways and refusing to take in the British version of Got Talent with their uncool parents! For now, we’ll accept the lack of privacy and deal with the meltdowns, each one at a go, and then give them all the cuddles and remind ourselves of how fortunate we are to be.
