The importance of not suffering in silence
So, it’s A-level results day. You’re likely nervous about getting your results. There’s a chance you’ve got conditional admission to a university or other commitments that may or may not be contingent on your grade. It was an extremely stressful, frightening moment all around, and one I hope you have nothing but the best for.
Imagine this. It’s the year 2011, and you’ve just finished an AS-level test in German. You struggled with the listening section of the listening, reading, and writing area. Then, you walked out of the exam, anxious and confused, when you heard your fellow students discussing the listening portion about accommodation. In contrast, you assumed it made any sense and were all concerned with the near future. The fear and dread flood through your body, and you’re sure you’ll be given a low grade, even though you wrote an impressive essay and are able to comprehend the reading section.
You’ve wished you’d informed anyone – a teacher or a parent that you can’t hear well in one ear and have not been able to. However, you’re hesitant to do so because you fear being criticized, questioned, and ostracized. It’s a fear of being perceived as a different person. Are you feeling the same way?
AS-level results day rolls around. When you arrive at school, you check your results. You scored a stunning A on the speaking portion of the German AS level, but you scored a D on the second exam. The most frustrating part is that you’re still unable to tell your parents or teachers the reason for such a significant distinction. It’s not revealed to anyone that you’ve spent the last seventeen years dealing with lipreading. Don’t ever let slip that you’re struggling literally in silence.
You decide to buy yourself a textbook on the 555 German verbs and then attempt to improve your marks all the ways you can in order to cover up the truth you’re keeping. You’re able to figure out the past participles and irregular tenses in a foreign language. You’re not going to tell anyone, except your trusted friends, that you think you’re hearing-deaf in one ear and always have been. You try to push it down or do not mention it. You don’t want to be viewed as being different. You do not wish to have a hearing aid or be subject to particular considerations despite the fact that you know that you are eligible to receive them.
You’re determined to score a B grade in German. You take the AS test in January, which is the exam period. You are able to make use of headphones this time but still get an A, but that’s sufficient. You didn’t take a listening test in the A-level exam this summer, and you get an A in the speaking portion next time and a B on the other test. You get a B overall and are accepted into the university. Your instructors are impressed and congratulate themselves on the shoulder for assisting you to get much better on the A2 exam, which is more difficult.
You arrive at the university and realize that you can’t hear anything in the noisy auditoriums that echo. You quickly leave the university at the end of Fresher’s Week, as you are unable to mentally handle the thought of having to spend an additional four years battling. It’s not a secret that you’re suffering from hearing loss for the next five years, and it’s one of the reasons you’re feeling so lost and scared at the age of 18.
That was my experience as a terribly stubborn teen who was deaf and undiagnosed. I put myself through a lot more stress than I needed to, and after a decade, I regret not telling anyone I was struggling. If I had the chance to improve anything from my childhood, it would have been about not letting the right people know that I was unable to understand, meaning that I could be diagnosed earlier and capable of advocating for myself and others.
If something I’ve written about here could be happening to you, and you’re not sure how to proceed, talk to someone. You’ll be feeling a lot more confident about your education and the future. You’ll definitely be heard, and assistance will be available.
