Marriage Of Convenience

You may find our story inspiring. We survived difficulties and found love in a marriage that began as a convenient one.

The night Denis left was a cold, clear, and bleak one. His heart was empty, and the moon bright. He finally went outside to close the door on the past. It was around 30 degrees below zero. Denis did not want to leave. Not really. But that was what he and his wife, whom he had married for convenience, decided. Both agreed that the relationship was not working and that they were tired of the nasty words and fights.

It was mutual, but Joyce kept bringing up the subject: that Denis was not needed, that he never was, and that it would be better for her if he left the room and did not return. Denis finally agreed, or at least accepted, that it was time to go. So he packed up his bags. He filled the water bottles for Joyce, their two daughters, and themselves. He bought propane for the stove and gas for the lanterns, as well as coal for the heaters.

The cabin was in the Alaskan wilderness, and it had no running water, no electricity, or phone. But at least his family would not freeze to death. Not right away.

Denis then shuffled across the snow to his pickup, which was the only vehicle in the family. The closest road was three miles away, and the town several miles further. If he had turned around, there would have been no windows in the wall of the cabin. He could not see if Joyce had watched him one final time.

Denis recalls, “I was stunned that I would be leaving my family and standing in the driveway staring up at the night sky.” I felt the wasted time and thought, What would I do?

“[Part of] me felt like a part of my body was being torn apart. I don’t know what I said to God. “I wasn’t angry but just sad and defeated.”

The most convenient business arrangement

The relationship was never meant to be this deep or last so long. Denis claims that the relationship between them was little more than business from the moment they met.

He joined the Air Force around 1976 and Joyce about a year later. In 1978, they were both assigned to the same squadron in Elmendorf Air Force Base, Anchorage, Alaska. They both hated the accommodation. The military was not bad.

Joyce admits, “I didn’t like living in barracks.” We had to eat at the chow hall, which was just like high school. I was alone and didn’t have anyone to sit with. It was awkward.

Denis also wanted to leave and had a plan. Couples who lived off base received additional pay to cover the extra living costs. No more barracks. No more shared bathrooms. And, as a bonus, no more Chowhall. Denis thought that marriage would be his ticket to freedom.

Denis began his search for a coconspirator by moving through the housing of the squadron. Many rooms rejected him before he finally found one on the floor for women.

Joyce recalls, “There was a knock on my door,” and a man asked me if I would be interested in marrying a man to move off base so that he could collect more pay. He used all the right words to get my attention. I was only thinking about getting out of the barracks. “I thought he was handsome, but I didn’t really think about what I was doing.”

The two went out on one single date, Leroy’s Pancake House, where they sorted through the details. They decided to wait for their next paycheck. On Jan. 16, 1978, Joyce stopped mopping the toilets, changed into the cream-colored floral dress, and went to court with Denis, the two witnesses, and Joyce. Denis sweated profusely, but that was about it. The couple made their vows but did not intend to keep them. No rings, no photographers, and no congratulations were given.

When they emerged from the courthouse, their car was stuck in the snow. Joyce explains that Denis pushed the car while she tried to drive. After some sweating and swearing, we headed back to base, where I continued my cleaning duties. “And that was my wedding.”

Decision time

Relationships are designed to fail. The marriage would end as soon as either of them received a new assignment (it did not matter which one), and there were no questions asked.

Divorce was not Part of the original plan, but it was the whole plan.

The separate bedroom thing only lasted a few short weeks. Maybe. They were both young, legally married, and living together. Is there anything wrong with sharing the bed? Denis chose to discharge Joyce rather than move on.

Joyce explains, “It was all fun and games up until I became pregnant.” Denis and I decided that we had to get married in real for the sake of the baby. This decision destroyed everything.”

Expectations shifted. Priorities changed. Denis and Joyce both had different ideas of what a wife should be doing. Denis did not meet her expectations. She made sure to tell him.

Joyce claims that they fought non-stop. They argued when the baby was born. They argued when Joyce left the military. They built a log cabin near Healy in Alaska and argued. They had a daughter and argued more.

Joyce says, “We had disagreements about everything.” “About raising the children. We didn’t even have money. We would always say, especially me, “I don’t want you.” I will get the divorce that we both said we would get.

The couple can’t remember what they disagreed on in December 1983. But it must have really been something big because Joyce took Denis’s parents to Montana just before Christmas. When she returned to Alaska from Montana in January, they were no longer talking.

Denis: “We already agreed before her return that I would leave,” Denis says. “We were married for five years and I could not believe I was throwing it away.”

Joyce’s bravado vanished the instant the cabin door closed behind Denis. Hopelessness set in when she realized the harsh reality of what was happening. Denis was still in his truck, but Joyce did not move. She could have asked Denis to come inside, but she didn’t. Pride didn’t allow it. Fear of rejection would not let her do so. She instead crumpled down to the ground and wept.

How long did Denis spend in his truck? Maybe 10 minutes. Maybe 30 minutes. Both of them are unsure.

Denis claims that the Lord’s presence was unmistakable on this night. The couple became Christians just a few short years earlier, mainly out of desperation. He can only say that God made it clear to him that he needed to return.