Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
I’m writing this for anyone who has chosen a bad relationship, whether it be with friends or a love interest. This is why I am writing it. I am in love, and I want others to be as well. It’s possible for everyone, but it takes some time and learning to reach the point where you are ready to meet someone. I’ll go over some of the common bad relationship personalities and the reasons that they behave the way they do. This awareness should give you a better understanding of your Why and help you change what you are looking for.
Write down what attracts you to others before you continue reading. What is your Achillestype? What is it that you like about the people you are drawn to when you go to parties? Does it happen because they are attracted to you and follow you? Are you drawn to a certain type of person? What are the patterns you see in your intimate relationships? Are you the one to end past romantic relationships, or was it pretty evenly distributed? Think about your relationship with others.
You are probably not to blame for the choices you made. They are likely a result of your upbringing and family history and are woven into your fabric. Your “love map” is the basis of all your models for love, commitment, and marriage.
You may have to use a red fat marker to highlight the pattern in order to identify the specific trait that you are attracted to. You can then take the necessary steps to change the unhealthy part of yourself.
As well as the personalities, I’ve included some of their behaviors and a few reasons why you might be drawn to them.
Commitment Phobes
When you get close to them, they will push you away. They will also show their phobia of committing in other aspects of their lives. For example, they may not be able to stay in one city, have a job, or unpack their moving box. Even if the plans are small, they won’t commit in advance. They are afraid of commitment, both with and without you. You are not taken into consideration, and your needs are never met. It is a crazy situation.
Commitment-phobic people tend to be very self-centered. Because they are so emotionally detached from the relationship, they won’t be able to tell what you want the ink or feel. You will never be able to get close to them to know who you are or to understand what you think. You have little to no control over the situation if someone has hurt you. You have nothing to do with the problem.
When they are courting, commitment-phobes will woo you to death. They are charming, seductive, and highly romantic. In the courtship phase, commitment phobes are very lovely and alluring. They are romantic, and they will offer marriage and children as carrots.
You will be manipulated into making a formal commitment by a commitment phobe. You will have to exaggerate any normal needs you may express because they’ll think you are trying to trap them. They will blame you for the failure of the relationship. You may be told that you are too needy, demanding, or moving too quickly.
Why do they behave like this
They never sought therapy to fix their damaged love map. They were probably traumatized early in life by the idea that they would be committed to someone. Their parents may have had a bad marriage, fought often, or had an unhealthy relationship.
Why have you chosen them
It’s safe. A commitment-phobe is the best type of person to meet if you have been hurt in a past relationship. They will always keep a safe distance. It’s “okay” to get to know someone because you don’t feel intimate or rushed. You won’t feel vulnerable because the other person won’t make you look in the mirror or get too close.
You may have been pursued intensely and then played hard to get. You may have thought they were looking for something special, and that is why they are still single despite having had several short relationships. You believe that you are different because they clearly like you. Why wouldn’t it? You’re awesome. You are awesome. There’s probably a good reason for such a pattern. It’s best to trust it and then walk away.
Giant Children or people that need to be fixed
They seem troubled, a mess, and like giant children, they don’t want to clean up their mess. They talk as if they will never be able to change; they “are this way.”
Why do they behave like this
A trauma or bad parenting usually causes the pain they’re hiding. It can also be a result of unstable relationships in the family or feelings of low worth. They don’t want to question their identity because they think they’re “unlovable.” This is a self-fulfilling prophecy that they will continue to live out with each future action. They will create a drama that will make you believe they can do it. They will promise and then disappoint. Then, they will apologize repeatedly and feel shame and disappointment. The experiences you have when playing a character like this become your identity. You may wear the badge or tell a romanticized version of a war story.
They are depressed despite how they appear. This is because they live as if they’re already deceased: they choose not to invest in their life and their potential. They decide not to save themselves and instead act “capable” or responsible for things such as a job or commitment or even a long, healthy life.
Why have you chosen this person
You feel safe and relaxed because you’re in control. It’s also safe to be flawed because you know that next to them, you are a star. It is very comforting not to feel challenged by another’s accomplishments and confidence, to see that you are loved just as you are and don’t need to improve. This person might make you feel loved unconditionally, and that makes it more intimate. No matter what you do, you will still be loved. You don’t have to worry about what’s going on in your head because there’s no spotlight.
