Avoid becoming a family therapist
I have blogged about being the family problem and now I want to speak to those who’ve assumed the role of family therapist. This does not mean that you have a psychology degree, but you have volunteered to solve the family’s problems. Although you may believe you have volunteered, I suspect you are being recruited in subtle ways to sacrifice your own wellbeing in order help your siblings and parents.
How to Become a Family Therapist: Don’t make these mistakes in psychology when caring for loved ones Kelsey Ogletree (AARP Bulletin 11, pp 36-39) explains what the consequences are. You run the risk of becoming complacent if you try to put out fires in your family, such as Grandma’s drinking, Grandma’s depression, and your parents considering divorce. This is something that professional therapists should be aware of. Compassion fatigue can also lead to frustration, depression, and feelings depressed.
People with dysregulated eating habits are often unable to eat because they feel overwhelmed by family problems. There are some crises, such as Dad having to have emergency surgery and Mom being left alone. Others are dysfunctional patterns that have been ongoing for decades, such as your brother who is an alcoholic and jobless and still living off your parents. While you might see the value in helping your family members with their lives, and that can be a good thing, it’s not healthy for you to become the person who is always there for them when they are in trouble. It can be too stressful. Once you become a part of the family, it can be difficult to get out.
Your amateur therapist role is also dangerous because you are likely to be more helpful than competent. If you insist on being a therapist, Ogletree has some tips: Talk less and listen more. Don’t be the fixer. Seek out face-to-face conversations (in person or online) and allow people to think about what you have to say. Be curious, not judgmental. Don’t be rude to them.
If the problems are serious and ongoing, your family would prefer that you be their savior, rather than seeking professional help. This will allow them to avoid making changes, save money, pretend that their problems aren’t as severe as they are. You can often cause real harm by playing the role of therapist and prevent them from receiving the help they need. It is better to take care of your own business.
