The Stress of Estrangement

Loneliness due to disconnection from family members is one of the main stressors that can cause dysregulated eating. This happens when adults are disconnected from their families or friends. This can lead to a loss of sense of belonging, and emotional eating.

Family estrangement – Why rifts occur and how to deal with them describes the causes and consequences of alienation and what you can do to prevent it from happening to you. Jen Rose Smith, the article’s author, believes that alienation is much more common than ever before. When there is abuse, instead of turning the other side, abusers are more comfortable letting go of toxic relationships. This view is reinforced by American culture’s individualistic orientation, rather than family.

While I have known people whose parents disowned them for their choices in life, it is more common to work with parents whose children are distant from them or with clients with no sibling relationships. Although it is troubling, this doesn’t compare to the pain of parent-child estrangement. These situations can be very distressing.

Some clients (all mothers in my case) feel so broken that their adult children want to be distant from them. Sometimes, it is due to divorce. The child felt the need (and still feels the need) to choose one parent over another. Sometimes, an adult child who was abused will hold on to their anger and not forgive their parent. Adult children might feel bitter that their parent failed to protect them from being abused by another parent. Adult children sometimes choose partners who are controlling and needy and won’t let their partner have contact with a parent.

Sometimes estrangement can be caused by differences in religion, lifestyle, or politics. Each party believes they are right and places more importance on that than it does on bridging the divide. Sometimes, both sides are stubborn, but I have found that this type of alienation is often perpetuated by one party, who refuses to allow another to express an opinion.

It’s important not to minimize the pain of being estranged from a family member. However, you don’t want this to be the center of your life. Therapy can help people with estrangements and even to repair relationships. It will, at best, help you find peace.