How to trust others

Are you able to trust others or do you fear that they might not be in your best interests? Are you a believer in the goodness of humanity or are you wary that it is dangerous? Is the world safe?

It may be more important to ask yourself if you realize that your views are not based on fact or fiction, but rather what you have learned from life. Were Holocaust survivors able to believe that people can be and do good, despite having lived relatively normal lives?

Your family history will determine whether you consider people trustworthy or not, and whether the world is safe or scary. These are questions you should ask: Did my physical and psychological needs always get met; Were people reliable, consistent, and available for me most of what I needed; Was life predictable? Another question: Did my family and friends trust and rely on others outside of the family? Did they talk up or make a bad impression about people? Were they social, and did they have friends or were they a closed group that relied on each other (aka “family everything”)

You’re more likely to be a good judge of people if you were raised in a family that worked together, cared for one another well, and was able to respect their individuality and boundaries. You’ll be less trustful if there is a lot of competition and conflict, and everyone needs to look out for each other. It’s that easy? It is. Yes. Although your temperament and past events are important factors in your worldview, what you see about your family can easily influence their views.

Your sense of security will be increased if you and your family members talk openly about your emotions. You might have worried about the worst if people didn’t talk openly about their feelings. You might also have worried that someone was hiding something. Communication and open expressions of emotion foster safety. However, not sharing your feelings can lead to a false sense of security.

Think about the trust and mistrust you have been left behind. Then, consider how it is serving you today. While you cannot change the way you were raised, it is possible to change what you believe now. It is time to learn how to trust others, and to do so appropriately.