5 Questions to Ask Yourself If You Think It’s Time to Dump a Friend

There are many reasons why you may want to end a relationship. This can be anything from unacceptable behaviors like lying, theft, emotional abuse, and lying. But the issues are much more challenging to identify, like the feeling that you’re always giving your person more than they give you back, such as time, attention, or something tangible, such as gifts or even time.

Although it’s easy to discern why a person has been rude to you, the decision of where to draw the line and determine that it’s enough is a difficult obstacle to overcome. Because unlike the romantic breakups that are regularly discussed in television shows, on social media, and even in the news cycle, we’re frequently not informed when trying to figure out when a relationship should be ended. Not only are conflicts among friends challenging to deal with, but they’re also difficult to discuss and receive advice about. “The term “friend” is often used to describe the word “fun.” We tend to think that friendship should be fun. been fun and we’re not comfortable talking about it if it’s not.” Hannah Korrel, Ph.D. neuropsychologist and writer of How to Break Up With Friends, tells Self.

Although breakups between friends are challenging to deal with and discuss, they are essential, mainly when dealing with manipulative or toxic individuals. To help you decide whether it’s the right time to break up with an intimate relationship, we’ve asked experts to provide the questions to consider before making the phone call.

Do you know if your friend is aware of an issue?

“The first thing that arises when speaking to people about friendship breaks is: Does the person know about the breakup going to happen? Will they be stunned? Because I’ve seen plenty of people who do this in the past,” Danielle Bayard Jackson as a friend trainer and co-host of the “Friend Forward” podcast, is quoted by the magazine SELF.

Just as a good manager won’t dismiss an employee due to reasons of performance without a formal warning, in most cases, it’s best to allow your friend allow your friend to alter their behavior. According to Jackson, it’s easy to mistake the time spent meditating about a relationship and talking about it with your friends to talk to the one person who wants to hear your story. It’s an enormous missed opportunity. “When it comes to differentiating between healthy and unhealthy conflict, the goal is to see these conversations as an opportunity to grow, to understand each other better, and to connect,” she explains.

When someone you know behaves incorrectly, it’s natural to believe they know how they act. Even if they know that they’ve committed a mistake (lost the temper of their friend, destroyed your birthday, or broken an agreement), they can’t understand what caused you to feel if you’re not sharing this feeling. Suppose you’re not sure about how to frame the conversation. In that case, Jackson suggests viewing them as an invitation for the person to acknowledge their mistake, change their behavior, or explain their error rather than an accusation that tends to create defensiveness and is less likely to lead to resolution. In real life, this could include starting the conversation by asking an inquiry a hectic the middle of a particularly busy season right now?” instead of a complaint such as “You don’t have time for me anymore.”

Does a breakup in a friendship the only option?

If acknowledging that something must be changed in a relationship can be the initial step to finding a solution, then deciding what the changes will look like is the second. According to Jackson, breaking up with friends doesn’t necessarily require eliminating someone from you. A better option is to change your expectations.

“Sometimes a friendship just needs recategorizing,” Jackson states. “Often itause we think of someone as to be a “tier one” friend. We are expecting them to contact us, that we will withscuss, our most important issues to them and that we can be sure that they will attend our most important occasions.” Suppose a close person consistently disappoints you by not being there or showing your appreciation. In that case, You may feel less upset or irritated when they misbehave by rethinking the tier they are on and the degree of friendship they regard you as. “The minute you start treating someone more like a ‘tier three’ friend–by not arranging your schedule to suit them, not entrusting them with the big things, and not expecting them to check in–you’re releasing them from those expectations while still acknowledging they hold value in your life,” Jackson states.

Why have you invested your time and effort into this relationship?

There are many reasons to be in contact with a person; however, not all of them are good for health. If your response to this question triggers emotions of guilt, fear or isolation, or loneliness, each Jackson and Dr. Korrel agree that the relationship might be worth reconsidering.

“Psychologically, there’s generally a reason why we’re staying in a relationship with someone who dims our light, and those things can be wide and varied,” Dr. Korrel saysoftenf not having friends is often what keeps us stuck with the harmful ones. These types of emos can be found in a number of the different areas of our lives, whether it’s in relationships, the feeling that you’re not doing better than that person, or in the workplace, there’s a worry that you’re not qualified for having a better job. It could be present throughout the course of our life.” The feeling of being abandoned and loneliness are more complex problems to tackle. They are usually best addressed with the assistance of a therapist, but they are essential to consider all relationships, not just friendships.

There are many positive reasons why you have had to keep a relationship going, such as a shared past or the notion that a person might be capable of reverting to the type of person they were previously. Whatever the reason, thinking about these significant memories from the past could aid in reassessing or affirming the effort you’ve put into the person.

What does this friendship costing you?

In How to Break Up with the Friends you love, Dr. Korrel writes about putting your money into good friends over bad ones. Making new acquaintances is a lot of effort. This can be difficult to come up with when investing significant energy and emotional resources into an individual. For instance, the case where a friend is showing up at a party, and you’re spending the whole night watching them talk about work. Reflecting on the many fun times and new friendships you could have missed that evening is worthwhile.

“We only have a certain amount of energy and time. If you’re focusing all of it on one person, what friendships are you not taking care of?” Jackson says. The main reason that is making certain friendships difficult is the quantity of unintentional energy they generate, regardless of whether it’s at social gatherings that do not bring anyone joy or in the opposite direction you are constantly trying to schedule the time to meet up with a person who never fails to disappoint.

As per Jackson, acknowledging the length of time you’ve considered the end of a relationship and the amount of time and energy it’s cost you over this time is an excellent opportunity to put the issue in context. “If you’ve been coming dumping a friend for ajust to letg time, it can be best to just let it go,” she states.

Do the positives overshadow the evil?

If a person you’ve known has been rude to you for a long time, The solution to that question is likely reasonably straightforward. In the same way, if you can only evoke positive feelings and memories, the answer is likely to be simple.

The situation gets more complicated when you ask this question to reveal an intricate mix of emotions. If you experience equal amounts of resentment and affection with a friend, this could indicate a lack of respect between you. As per psychologist Dr. Korrel, knowing the distinction between love and respect is essential to distinguish genuine friends from those ambivalent. For instance, uncertain friends might show their affection with extravagant birthday presents, glowing on social networks, or trying to offer you a favor–which is excellent. Still, they will always fail to impress you by disrespecting your thoughts, feelings, or time.

These friendships could be expected. However, they can be incredibly destructive. These friends can not only drain your emotional resources. Still, they may also harm your health, according to a study from 2014 on ambivalent friendships, which are defined as having contradictory characteristics and can hurt our health, including our heart rate and anxiety levels.

The decision to break up a friendship is a decision that you alone can decide. If you’re in the middle, you should look at the value this person brings to your life and what they’re taking away – whether it’s your energy, time, or happiness. “Every friend has their flaws and annoying habits–we all do,” Jackson states. “But ultimately, do the good things they add to your life outweigh the negative things they do? If not do, then shouldn’t that be the right answer?”